I'm Living Bipolar 2

I'm taking a long overdue Epsom Salt bath. It was almost a full week since I bathed or took a shower. I knew it had been a while, but didn't really care. Why should I? I wasn't leaving the house any time soon?  My husband does all that errand crap. I went outside of course. To hang laundry or take out the pups. But I never got dressed for the day. Got prepared for the day. I just woke up and DID the day. On auto-pilot, if you will. I listened to music I already knew. Watch shows and movies I know every line to. For the last week or so I've been numb to the World. No social media. No news. No personal drama. And to be honest...I like it. No one to answer to. No one to tell me what, when, where or how things get or should be done. I just did them. My way.  Let's be honest. I didn't just like it, I LOVED it! I want more of it! I have come to a conclusion that the older I get, the more I want to become a recluse. Not in a bad or harmful way, just a peaceful more rel...

My home sits in the back of a wooded wonderland. Surrounded by huge oak and maple trees. With a few pine trees scattered throughout the front yard for Holiday purposes. The canopy of leaves providing enough shade for coolness but has an open clearing or two for thr sun to peek through. This is where our cat likes to sun bathe. Our dogs prefer the more wooded fenced in area to do their business and run free in. I have a garden with a combination of flowers and veggies. I have several fruit trees lining the garden path. Apple. Pear. Some berries bushes like deep purple grapes my Gramma Helen had or blueberries and we can start a new tradition. A bench or two to sit and enjoy the view of the sunset or sunrise struned along the walking path. This garden leads to the back of the cabin complete with a clothes line and playground for the grandbabies. An old outhouse is the distance with a crescent moon cut into the door that is just along the do not pass fence line. I walk into my country kit...

When do you cut someone toxic out of your life? When they attack someone you don't know? When they attack an acquaintance? When they attack a friend? When they attack family? When they attack you? When does loyalty go out the window and you walk away? This has been the drama my family is dealing with as of late. Sadly and more importantly children are being adversely affected by it. These children are being told viscous lies to protect someone doesn't want the turth to break the surface. Lies upon lies upon lie. Decades of them. Finally coming to a head, ready to blow and she is getting scared.  Through this heartbreak my adult children have lost life-long friendships. My daughter and grandson lots their God-daughter/God-sister. Family has all but disowned family. Why? Because of lies. Lies that should have never been said in the first place. You see, little white lies seem harmful. One here. One there. No biggie, right? Nope. It will ALWAYS come out. In some form or another. ...

Could I have MS (multiple sclerosis) or is it Fibromyalgia (Fibro)? For the last 4 years I have believed that I have text-book fibro with widespread pain, numbness, fatigue and memory loss. However, the more I read and look into what my full spectrum of symptoms are, it looks more like MS! This week was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I agreed to help my cousin, whom had fallen down the stairs recently, and assist her in packing up her 2 story 4 bdrm home and get it all ready for the movers on that following Tuesday. That night my legs went numb, tingled for hours and felt like an elephant was laying across my thighs. I texted her I couldn't make it and how sorry I truly was. I just couldn't walk up and down stairs with boxes and such. I would be and feel useless. So I've been taking it easy and doing as little walking as possible. I went with Babbit on a couple deliveries but couldn't do much. I was there to be his company and navigator. That was all I could...

I've been doing some personal soul searching. I've realized, I few true friends. I essentially have one girlfriend whom I call my best friend. We've know each other since grade school. I see/talk/text her very rarely. BUT, I know that it's a true friendship. She answers my calls/text immediately. We make time for each other. We laugh, cry and push the other to be better. All in positive ways. Other than her I have no one. Of course we have known the other since we were 11, but I digress. I want a bestie everyday. Not when it's convient for her. When I was in my Twenties I had a best friend. Someone I could talk to on a regular. In fact we did that a LOT! Talked. All the time. I would stagger over to her house (we were neighbors at one point) to have a cup of coffee. We would talk for hours and chain smoke packs of cigarettes. It was the best time. By the time we were in our Thirties we got into a very large fight and haven't talked since. That's been 10 year...