Could I have MS (multiple sclerosis) or is it Fibromyalgia (Fibro)? For the last 4 years I have believed that I have text-book fibro with widespread pain, numbness, fatigue and memory loss. However, the more I read and look into what my full spectrum of symptoms are, it looks more like MS! This week was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I agreed to help my cousin, whom had fallen down the stairs recently, and assist her in packing up her 2 story 4 bdrm home and get it all ready for the movers on that following Tuesday. That night my legs went numb, tingled for hours and felt like an elephant was laying across my thighs. I texted her I couldn't make it and how sorry I truly was. I just couldn't walk up and down stairs with boxes and such. I would be and feel useless. So I've been taking it easy and doing as little walking as possible. I went with Babbit on a couple deliveries but couldn't do much. I was there to be his company and navigator. That was all I could do. I felt helpless and alone.
Fast forward to today. My Auntie gifted me a new (used) front loading washer/dryer. I was so grateful for it too. I told her how I was having trouble leaning over and reaching into the washer for my clothes. That it put a strain on my legs and now laundry days were going to be much much easier. I think I thanked her about a dozen times this morning. My son, son-in-law and hubs went with me to help load the set onto my Uncle's truck for transport. I stayed in the living room with my Auntie. I then proceeded to explain to her my current symptoms. This is when shit got real....for her, I think. You see, she has MS and got misdiagnosed for years before getting her final and real diagnoses. I could see it in her eyes. She was scared. There is a 1-40 chance you can get MS if you have a genetic relation with it.
I left her home with more questions than answers. Could I have MS? I came home and sat on my bed contemplating what had just transpired and how I was going to process this new information. I Googled symptoms of MS and did my own research. What I read was hitting to close to home. I was mulling over what I had read when I son needed my help. I got up and my legs became week, unsteady and I felt off balance. I finished what I was asked to do, crawled into bed and wept for 20 minutes. Is this my life now? Is this what I need to prepare myself for? A cane? Walker? Wheel chair? Will I be bed ridden? What will my grandkids say and do? Is ths what my Heavenly Father has planed for me? Can I handle it? Like mentally handle this?
Now we play the waiting game. I need medical insurance and a good doctor who will listen to me truthfully and without judgements. 2020 hasn't been the greatest. But it hasn't been the worst.
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