I'm taking a long overdue Epsom Salt bath. It was almost a full week since I bathed or took a shower. I knew it had been a while, but didn't really care. Why should I? I wasn't leaving the house any time soon? My husband does all that errand crap. I went outside of course. To hang laundry or take out the pups. But I never got dressed for the day. Got prepared for the day. I just woke up and DID the day. On auto-pilot, if you will. I listened to music I already knew. Watch shows and movies I know every line to. For the last week or so I've been numb to the World. No social media. No news. No personal drama. And to be honest...I like it. No one to answer to. No one to tell me what, when, where or how things get or should be done. I just did them. My way.
Let's be honest. I didn't just like it, I LOVED it! I want more of it! I have come to a conclusion that the older I get, the more I want to become a recluse. Not in a bad or harmful way, just a peaceful more relaxing way. Where I don't have to deal with the real world. I cleaned my room every day. Did laundry almost every day. Cleaned the communal kitchen, bathroom and living room on a continual basis. Even when it wasn't my chore that day. I only got one thank you...my husband. Honestly, that hurt. But I digress. I think this is a bipolar manic episode of sorts. I get crazy mood swings. I nit pick every little thing. And watch out if you don't follow instructions well. Oh! Nelly! The "Drill Sarg" comes out then. And you're not gonna like her! Promise.
So. Let's break down my version of a bipolar manic moment:
Low/no hygiene regime
Insomnia
No appetite/Over eating. There is no in between.
Bowel/urinary issues
Irritability
Mood swings
Anger/Rage
Overly emotional
Constantly in movement. Can't sit still
Lethargic
No libido
Impulsivity
Wanting to runaway or escape
Suicidal ideology (thinking about it but no intention of carrying it out)
Depression
No will...for anything
Black and white thinking
Ruminating
AGAIN! These are MY personal bipolar moments. Not everyone has the same episode. Everyone is different. Thank heavens! I wouldn't want to be the same as John/Jane Doe. I like being unique.
My husband reminded me of something a few weeks ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. It reads something like this:
"Every seven years a body sheds its old for a new. New cells. New neurons. New skin. New hair. New nails. A whole new you." So, for example: I am in my sixth cycle, second year and eleven months of a whole new me. When I turn 49 years old I will enter my seventh cycle of a whole new me.
I've grown. I've read, studied, learned and educated myself on me. I search deep into my soul to find...me. What do I have to offer to the World, friends and family. I know what's important. And what I should let go. I will ALWAYS continue to learn about myself and grow.
Bottom line... I'm in a tub soaking away pain and misery. I'm in an emotional maniac bipolar state that sucks. I want to be a recluse. And my body is changing. Constantly.
💕 May you always have Peace and love 💕
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