I'm Living Bipolar 2

Been feeling like shit lately. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm feeling worthless and like a nobody. I don't get apprieacted at work for the good job I do, but I do get yelled at for being to good at what I do. Wtf?! They are so confusing. My home is falling apart since I started working again. Laundry is in a giant pile downstairs. Dishes never get done in a timely manner. My living room and bathroom are a wreak as well. I can't blame my husband...he makes sure we are fed everyday. By almost any means necessary, he sees that we are never hungry. I just want things to go back to the way they were. Wgeb we didn't owe so much money to ppl. Where I can spend my check on whatever the fuck I want to. I want to go out and have fun. Get dressed up and party like I was 25 again. Hell I'll take 35 again LOL. I'm tired of being sad and tired all the time. I want financial freedom. I want a car to myself. I want to feel worthy.

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I've been denied any further look into my claim of disability. What is done is done. I'm moving on. I've already found and lost one job due to anxiety and panic attacks, so we'll see what happens at this one. I'm kinda hoping it works out where I am now. It's laid back. A somewhat relaxing atmosphere and the people seem nice. My hours are nice and manageable. I haven't told them that I suffer from varies mental illness issues. I'm afraid that they won't understand or just won't care.  My first week went well, I do have to say. I'm starting to understand the rythem of the store and where items go. There's a constant flow of customers so we have to be on point at all times. We do have down times, but not today. Today was busy busy busy. I can only hope that it remains that way. I'm exsausted. My legs hurt. My head hurts. My body is aching. Its completely different then being a stay at home mother. Where I work I can't yell and scr...

We're pushing. My daughter is in labor and I am so excited. She's been in labor for over 24 hours as a champ. I'm so blessed to be able to have her with me. I'm blessed to be able to be with her. We've grown closer in the last 6 months and I have to say I really enjoy it. She's amazing. She's sweet and generous and kind. I only wish your mother actually saw what I see. I love her so very much my love her ass has grown. I can't wait to meet my little nugget.

We are at the hospital now. My daughter contractions are less than 5 minutes apart and intensity level 7 to 9 and lasts for about 50 55 seconds. Came to the hospital and only one person can go back with her and its my daughter Katey coach its back there at the moment with her. Katey biological mother is not coming to the birth of the baby however she'll be here the next day. I think this is bullshit I think she should be here no matter what with her daughter but she's not. Katie is a strong girl and she can do it.

I'm sitting here alone drinking coffee puffin on a bowl and I'm listening, listening to all the sounds around me. The dogs barking outside. Cars and trucks driving by. TV upstairs and children moving around in their beds. And I can't help but thankful and grateful for my family my life. I am thankful for a roof over my head. I am thankful for the food that's in my belly. I'm thankful for the clothes on my back. I'm thankful for the ability to wash my clothes, my dishes, my home. I'm thankful to have a generous husband. Who loves me and takes care of me and worships the ground I walk on. I'm thankful for my children who loved me unconditionally for my faults and love. I'm thankful for my in-laws you have taken me into their family and love me as if I was their own. I'm thankful for the life that I have now I'm a short 20 years ago I didn't have a home. I lived in my car and now I have a family who loves me friends who care for me and the r...