I'm Living Bipolar 2

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I have found that I like to be naked in bed. Or at least only panties. I sleep better with the little restriction and feel better about myself. It's weird I know. I sometimes think how can I be naked in bed, but think that I'm a big fat blog all the time. Good question...that I don't know the answer. All I know is that when I decide the go to bed I like to get undressed and slip under sheets and sleep a peaceful slumber. And I know for a fact that the hubs likes it. What I said about my sex life in another post is coming to light. My sex life is becoming amazing. Almost every night this week. My life is turning around and I have this blog and my positive thinking as well as the Universe to thank. I feel good. I look good. My kids are fine human beings who stand up for what they believe. My husband treats me like a Queen. And I love to be naked in bed. 

This weekend was a weekend of sleeping naked and feeling sexy. It's not often that I feel sexy. I know that my husband thinks I'm sexy but it's another thing to think of myself as sexy. On Saturday my hubs let me sleep in till 5 pm. No disruptions. It was great. I need to get some more sexier stuff to wear to bed. Old boxers and tank tops only go so far. I want to be sexy all the time. I wanna make my husband feel like he's gonna explode every time he comes to bed. I want it all. 

When you have borderline personality disorder it's easy to get lost in the black and white thinking if things. You forget about the grey parts. You forget that there is always more to the story then what is to be expected. Maybe something is going on on the other side. Maybe this thing is more important and need 100% attention. I have to learn to move forward. Forget about the past and think about the future. That's what I need to do. Think about the future. My goals. My dreams. What I want. Not what someone else thinks I should do. Shit I'm my own person I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want. I want my own money to these things I want to do. I want the universe to hear my calls and answer them fully. No more black and white. I want color in my life. I want to see greens and blues and reds. I want to feel the colors. I want.....

I have no idea who the fuck I am. I really have no idea. Who am I? I like the outdoors but hate leaving my house. I love art but scared to go to a musium. I feel myself changing. In so many ways. Damn it! What am I going to do? Late 30's and I feel like a someone who is just starting her life. I wanna go dancig. I wanna go to a ballet. I wanna be rich. I wanna have everything I ever wanted. I want to walk in to a store and say I take that and buy what ever I want. I want to drive a fabulous car with enough room for everyone. I want a healthy marriage. I want a miraculous sex life. I want a house so big that I hear an echo. I want jewelry everywhere. I want so many clothes that makes people scream with delight. I want a different handbag for everyday of the year. I want to be the bell of the ball. I want to be so happy that my happiness makes others happy. I want to be healthy and full of life and vigor. I want to be loved and adored by everyone. I want to ooze respect when I walk i...

When you talk to someone whether it's a boy or girl at least your talking. If they make you feel young then more power to them. At least they are building you up not tearing you down.

I'm feeling like I have no where I can go to talk freely anymore. Or do anything without someone watching or commenting. It's very frustrating.