I'm Living Bipolar 2

We didn't get the house we wanted. My heart is breaking. I really wanted that house. It was a trailer really. Next to a pond with duck and everything. I WANTED THIS HOUSE!!!

Today my therapist told me that I should go back to school. I told him I wasn't ready yet. Maybe in another life. He said that I could be a therapist myself. That talking to me was like talking to another therapist. That made feel pretty good. Maybe I should right a book......under someone else's name. Change names and dates but make it similar. I think I can do it. In fact I think I will do it.

Today wasn't to bad. Starting to feel back to myself. Today was mostly lazy. I was up most of the night getting sick. But once I got enough sleep I felt better. I cleaned the house with help from Lacey and Chris. Made dinner and had a mini family dinner. Not to shabby for a Tuesday.

I want to tell you about my husband. I met him when I was 16 years old. I knew of him...I didn't know him. We dated briefly in high school and although we broke up for whatever reason we remain very good friends. We always seemed to know where the other was. We knew what the other was feeling. We always had a connection. We moved on in our lives. We both started dating other people and lost touch briefly. Then he called me out of the blue. To this day I don't know how he even found my number. He called to tell me that he was going to have his second baby. I already knew about the first when we bumped into each other at a football game. Come to find out he was living 10 minutes away the whole time. After the birth of my son he found me again and brought over all our friends to meet my new little guy. After that we were inseparable. We've had our up and downs. One big up was our daughter. We were now a family. Later on he told me that he watched me walk down the hall at our ...

I'm floating through life. I'm on auto-pilot. I do what is needed of me that is all. I clean. I cook. I do what is required of a mother and wife. My DEPRESSION and BPD had gotten me good this time. I don't know if it's the time of year or what but I can't seem to shake it as early as I would like to. It's difficult to understand if you never have or had DEPRESSION. It's difficult to explain as well. Does anyone know what I talking about???

I have been a royal bitch lately. I know that it's PMS and it sucks. I don't see my doctor till next month. Of course she's going to be new. My doctor decided that she wanted to retire. This one should and will be nice or so help me and her lol. I had to jump all over the kids the other day for not respecting me at all. Nada. They laugh when I'm trying to be serious and everything. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just keep telling myself "I love teenagers". Let's hope that it works.

I have this candle. I love it. The smell takes me back to when I was younger and to my dad. I have it in my bedroom for this reason. I use it to DISTRACT and SELF SOOTHE myself from the bullshit of the world. Then I was asked by someone who would like to use it. I said yes, for a little bit. Well they left and left the candle burning in the room unattended. So I took it back. I put the candle in the living room so everyone could smell it and get the same enjoyment as I do from it. Well...it ended back in another room. When I went to retrieve it, this person was giving me shit about how the candle got to the house. I don't give a rat's ass about how it got to the house...IT'S MY CANDLE. Damn it!! I can put it where ever I want to. Needless to say. The candle is where I want it.