I'm Living Bipolar 2

Rain. I love rain. I've always loved rain. When I was a little girl people would ask me, "Where do you want to live when you get older?". I would simplied reply, Washington or Oregon. I would even venture down to Northern California, if the price and scenery were right. When I was asked why I loved that area and states so much, my answer was always the same, RAIN. I love the sound it makes when it hits a hot tin roof. I love the smell of rain in the early months of Fall. Where the leaves are slowly turning red, orange, and yellow. Hanging on to the branches of their trees for dear life. I love the way the rain drops hit my face ever so sweetly during Spring time. With a slight chill still in the air. Rain has brought me so much love, happiness and joy. That sounds kinda funny, huh. I think so too, however it's the truth. When I was a little girl it rained on my birthday. That magical time where you're a little girl turns into a young women. It was warm enough fo...

Seven years ago today I was admitted to OSU hospital for a mental break. I was contemplating hurting myself and was brought here for help. While I was here I found out that I was really sick. An invisible illness. A mental illness. Only I can feel it. I will suffer mentally and physically and alone. I lost so much weight. I was abt 100lbs and I'm being generous with that number. My hair was falling out and I wasn't sleeping. I played video games (burn out mostly) and smoked cigarette after cigarette. My room was always dark and I cried all the time. My kids watched me deteriorate with saddness in their eyes. My husband was afraid to hold me (because I was so thin) for fear of hurting me. I was a mess. Seven years ago my husband walked in on me holding a bottle of pills. I was crying and wanted to die. He called my couseler and she told him to take me to Netcare immediately. I remember watching him walk away and leave me there. I watched him hold back his tears to give me streng...

Its a early to take a bubble bath but I needed it. Here's why....While at the pantry a man walked in. Normal everyday looking gent. When we made eye contact with me my heart skipped a beat. My hands went numb and I couldn't catch my breath. I scrambled to retrieve a xanax from my "emergency bottle" because I was shacking so bad. The man kept looking at me and I started shacking even harder. He looked just like my ex-husband. Exactly like him. But alas it was NOT him. Babbit came in within 5 minutes of the attack and calmed me down. He calmed me down and assured me that it wasn't him. I went outside and took some nice loooong breathes. Relaxed and ready to finish what I started I went back into the pantry with my head held high. Now I'm home with my family. Soaking in a hot tub, smoking that nice green herb and veggie out. Trying to put this day behind me.