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11-28-15

I just stared at myself for a good 15 minutes practically naked and I hate my body. I've gained so much weight with my middle daughters pregnancy that it scares me. My oldest daughter gained almost 70 pounds with her pregnancy and I gained weight right along with her. My fear is I'm gaining just as much weight with my second grandchild. She's due within the next month and I can't wait just so I'll stop eating. I can't even look at myself without being disgusted and repulsed at my body, it's a terrible terrible feeling and I wish it on nobody. I wish I could feel pretty and thin and like a woman. That's it, at the beginning of 2016 I'm going on a freaking diet. I will restart Yoga, I will continue with meditation and I will be at my ideal weight by this time next year which is 130 pounds. I will do this at home as to the fact that I don't like to go out in public very much looking the way that I look. It's a personal thing and I just don't want to go out in public. Maybe yoga and meditation will help center me and being a better more intelligent, spiritual, resilience and beautiful inside and out.

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