Skip to main content

9-17-15

Six years ago today I went into the hospital for a mental break down. I was only 100 pounds and dropping weight fast. I was a wreak. I refused to eat infrit on anyone. I cried at a drop of a hat. I could do anything without feeling like a loser. It was miserable. I was miserable. 

I remember that night I held the pills in my hand. My husband walked in and saw them. He immediately came to my aid not yelling or mad. He came to me peacefully and with love. He made two calls. One to my therapist and the other to my best friend. Both said the same thing. Take her to Netcare. So I went. 

My husband drove me all the way across town and had to drop me off. He had to leave me to strangers. They had to take care of me. It was the hardest thing he has ever had to do. My heart raced as I waited for an opening in a facility. Someone to take a broken mother of four. OSU Pshyc took me. 

The first night was difficult. Lots of talking and repeating everything that had hurt me. All my emotions were on the table. I was pumped with meds and let soon was feeling "better". 

Over the next couple days I was dianosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) ED (eating disorder) and a mood disorder (in 2013 finding out it's bipolar disorder). Since 2009 I've been working on myself. Making sure that I don't end up there again. 

I've been going to therapy regularly for 6 years and have taken DBT classes three times. I see a therapist, nurse and counciler once a month. I also take my meds on an everyday basis. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

12-21-2018

This guy. What can I do I say about this wonderful man. I start by saying...Happy birthday, son. I can't express how blessed I am to have been chosen to be your mother. What a honor it is for me to raise such a fine human being. Thank you. I marvel at all you do and everything you have accomplished in the 22 years you've been.on this planet. School. Work. Friends. Family. You would take your own shirt off your back to help your fellow brother. I admire you for that. Your work ethic puts others to shame. Showing everyone that Autism isn't going to stand in your way. I stand all amazed by you. My hero. My love. My Son. Have the happiest of birthday my sweet boy. Forever and beyond ❤

2-17-18

 You will be missed so much. Chris and I love you with all our hearts. You left us to soon. If only we had one more time with each other. To hug. To laugh. To call on for advice. I was blessed to have known you as long as I did. Thank you for helping raise my husband. Being such a great role model for my children and grandchildren. Thank you for your love and admiration. Till we meet again ♥ 

Had It Been THAT Long?

I'm taking a long overdue Epsom Salt bath. It was almost a full week since I bathed or took a shower. I knew it had been a while, but didn't really care. Why should I? I wasn't leaving the house any time soon?  My husband does all that errand crap. I went outside of course. To hang laundry or take out the pups. But I never got dressed for the day. Got prepared for the day. I just woke up and DID the day. On auto-pilot, if you will. I listened to music I already knew. Watch shows and movies I know every line to. For the last week or so I've been numb to the World. No social media. No news. No personal drama. And to be honest...I like it. No one to answer to. No one to tell me what, when, where or how things get or should be done. I just did them. My way.  Let's be honest. I didn't just like it, I LOVED it! I want more of it! I have come to a conclusion that the older I get, the more I want to become a recluse. Not in a bad or harmful way, just a peaceful more rel...