I'm Living Bipolar 2

My husband and I were on the way to his mothers when we decided to turn around and just go home due to the weather. I forgot to buy some milk on Saturday so we went to the Speedway down the street on the way home. I looked up and saw a man with Utah in big letters on a hoodie. And the man who was wearing it was my father. I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. First forgot to grab the keys. Then forgot the phone on the dash. Then a man was taking forever to get into his car and I couldn't open my door. Then my husband was walking out and all I could say was "I just saw my Dad!!". All I heard was Honey? No you didn't. Trust me I said. I walked with the speed that felt like a snail. My legs felt like they were in tar. I slowly walked up to this man and said "Uncle Jeff?". My uncle who by the way is almost identical to my father, was standing in front of me. All I could do was hug him. When he put his arms around me it was like my father was hugging me....

I don't know how many of you know about Borderline Personality Disorder but it sucks. I have this disorder but it doesn't have me. I've taken all the classes I think I can take to help rewire my brain. I use DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills as much as I can. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't. Either way I'm working the program. I have good days and bad days. Today is an okay type of day. However it's still early.

Home life can be interesting. One minute all is fine then the next....WHAM shit hits the fan. It can piss me off something fierce. I asked for something very simple. Unload the dishwasher...can't back is jacked. Okay then please help with dinner...strain the grease out of the meat. Puts sauce in meat for tacos that was for spaghetti. Where in drain the grease does it say add sauce?! It doesn't. Oh well...

As I have mentioned I will change names in my writings... Jessica lied to me today. She went behind my back and made a facebook account without our permission. The funny thing is she's of age where she can have one. She is also friends with known bad people... I don't know what to do anymore. She's driving me crazy. Every time I turn around she's doing something wrong. something that she shouldn't do. sometimes i pity her. she doesn't realize how good she has it. she could have it so bad. She's driving me crazy...

I've been having the weirdest dreams ever. I don't know if it's the medication or what but they're getting odd. I was in an apartment. Lights go out. I run without shoes (which normally I can't run but this time I am) down the hall. I'm running from someone I don't recognized, but not totally afraid of. I run more. I end up in a house, going from room to room. I finally get out and roll down a hill. I look back at the house and realize I really loved the look of the home. I look down and I have white shoes on. I start to run into the woods but turn around and start to go back to the apartment. And I don't really want to... Then I wake up sad.

The first thing that comes to my head is that I'm not happy.. I have to close my eyes when writing this so I can get it through to people. I'm going to work on coming back from the brink if sadness. I will record what I do and what I think. This might make some people uncomfortable. Please feel free to stop reading now. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm going to give you my happy and sad. My good and bad. I will not use real names. My stories will be as if someone told it to me. A story line so to speak. You'll see soon enough. My life is busy and I don't know when or how much I'm going to write. This is me.