I'm Living Bipolar 2

Easter is just around the corner. I should be full of love and respect for our Lord Jesus Christ for all the sacrifices he made for us. Here's the thing, I have a LOT of empathy and feel emotions and sometimes pain of other. This includes watching videos and dvds. I read about Christ and the love he has for us. The fact that he died for our sins and then was resurrected so we can live with out Heavenly Father again is amazing and breathtaking. I observe in my own way. I read my scriptures and say my prayers. I even been studying my Jewish heritage and reading on Passover. Recalling memories of Sader with my Uncle. How much love was in that room. So much love. So much life. Today we make our ham dinner and remember love lost and life renewed. I remember the sacrifices my family and the Lord Savior made for me to he here today. And to return and be with family I've lost. Happy Easter. Happy Passover.

https://youtu.be/9Ftu8Z6pMu4

Bath time!

After years of being on the same medication, my doc is putting me on something else. I can't wait. I'm actually happy for this change. Maybe it'll help with my racing thoughts and nasty side effects. Here's to hoping it all works.

 

https://youtu.be/bzIpbVkSeb8

Today is another bipolar day. They're coming closer and closer together. This is scaring me. I have no energy. No drive. No ambition. Life sucks and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm taking a mental health day.

https://youtu.be/ZxwgtOpSQBM

I actually don't mind waiting for an order. It gives me time to reflect and ponder thoughts and feelings. Emotions are important to me. Feeling say a lot about who you are as a person/human. I know animals have feelings but humans get to express them. How magnificent is that! So express away. Don't hold back. Tell the world how you feel. Show your emotions. Be proud of them. It's who you are!

Taking a day off. Doing nothing but trading and listening to music. I'm cutting the world out today.

  Meditation is very important to me. It helps me become centered and remember what's most important to me. Like my family and not let the outside influences effect me. I deal with pain on a daily and when I mediate it helps teaches me to breathe and to let things go so the pain isn't so intense.

This is my go to pose in the car lol. Especially when we're at a stop. I always have put my feet up. I remember when I was little and my Aunt asked if I ever put my feet on the ground, of course not was my answer everytime. When I sit my feet are up. I walk and run and skip and hop everyday. I'm always moving. So, when I I stop my feet are up and relaxing. That's that.

I just got A Clash Of Kings, second installment of Games of Thrones Books. I love these books. I can't put them down once I pick it up. I'll be busy for awhile due to the fact that this is a 750 page book. I can't wait. Here I go!!

Having bipolar has been a trip. It's just one of a plethora of other diagnosis. The last 9 years have been a challenge to say the least. But it's made me stronger and happier. I look back at my 20's and wonder why it took me so long to become healthy. Taking my meds because they help me. Not caring what other people think or say about me. Being able to walk and eat in public without judgement is a blessing. To smile and mean it makes me happy. Here's to the next chapter of my life....

https://youtu.be/omCnOFCyllg

Sometimes I feel out of place. I feel like I don't fit in. I'm supposed to see something or someone else. Bipolar does that. Makes my brain go into overdrive. I can't stand it either. I start to think if something from yesterday and my brain goes to something that I did 30 years ago that didn't go my way. Like it was my fault when it wasn't or what would of happened if I did this instead of that. It's so frustrating! I hate it!!

You are loved

Yep. I'm having a bipolar day. Everything can suck it and I don't care. I feel horrible, emotionally and physically. Drained. I have so much on my mind. So stressed. So so so stressed. I'm trying to put on a brave front for the family, but it's getting very hard. I want to cry but don't want to cry. I'm all mixed up and I hate it.

Uncle Bill is 92 and takes care if himself better then most 20 year olds. This dog has sat outside his house for over 15 years. It barks when you walk by. I chuckle everytime I come over.

Still. Reading. Can't. Put. It. Down! Must. Finish.

Can't talk... Must. Read.

I can't get out of this book! All I want to do is read. Highly recommend Game Of Thrones!